Speechless

Do you ever feel like you have nothing to say? You have a huge essay due but suddenly you have no words. Your blog is due and you do not want to just blab on about nothing to get it done. You want it to mean something, maybe you meet a cute boy and yet you cannot find it in you to say hey. Sometimes in prayer or church, you find yourself speechless. Have you ever wondered why you have a loss of words, cause when you’re in class you cannot seem to shut up, When you are with your best friends, it would take an army to get you to stop talking. Maybe God takes your words away in certain situations because He wants you to take in the silence. When you find yourself speechless in prayer, maybe it is because He wants you to stop talking so maybe you could hear Him. When you cannot finds the words to say in your blog, maybe it is because He wants you to take your time, really put your heart into it, be creative, and think outside the box. I sat down tonight with nothing to write, all I could think about was how I had nothing to say and how I was at a loss of words. I started this blog planning to write about having nothing to say. I knew it was going to be pointless but I just wanted to get it done. Well my plan has turned on me. It made me think, why do we have a loss of words and I believe it is because sometimes you just need to listen.

Sisters

Do you ever wish you could go back in time? I do. I wish I could go back to last summer, and not stop talking to you. I know I act like I cannot stand you anymore but I miss you so much. I just never show it because you seem like you don’t even care. You were my sister, when we're together nothing mattered. You were there for me through the heart breaks and tears, through my broken bones, and all the happy times. The important times in my life, you were there for me. The memories of me and you will never die; we skipped best friend stage and went straight to sisters. People even thought we were twins, we were inseparable. If I wasn’t at your house, you were at mine. The truth is I miss you with all my heart. I miss your mom’s mac ‘n cheese. I miss the way your house smelled. I miss you. I was upset with you because you were with a guy who treated you like dirt so you slowly stopped telling me about you and him, then I started seeing someone and did the same. We slowly lost touch with each other.

It took me the whole summer to realize what I had lost. I wrote you letter after letter and not once did I get a response or you told me you wanted a sorry. I said I was sorry. I have told you more than once, but it wasn’t just my fault only. It was yours too. I would like a sorry, but I’m not asking for that as I just want to be sisters again. I see you every day, we never speak to each other. We walk right past each other as if nothing had ever happened. This kills me and I don’t know if it kills you too. I don’t know what else to do. You told me you didn’t want to fall in to my bad ways but wouldn’t a sister try to stop me from those bad ways? You have changed a lot and I don’t know who you are any more. But in the end, I hope to get to know you again and maybe one day, return to being sisters.

Child like Faith

Do you remember what it was like when the biggest worry in the world was what was for lunch or who you were going to play with on the play ground since Toni wasn’t at school today? Life was so innocent; you were so innocent. When you prayed, it was about getting that new toy Jalen had or how Tucker pushed you on the play ground and you scraped your knee. When the things you were afraid of were things like the dark or that really big kid on the playground who always pushes you down. Now those seem like silly things to be afraid of. We are seniors in high school and about to leave home. We're afraid of what’s out there, if we will fit in, if we’re going to make it in to our dream college, how were going to pay for it. When we pray it’s about how we're struggling to find that right path and we need a little guidance when we just applied to a college and really want to get in. But is that really that much different from the prayer when we were younger? No, it's not. “Someone” aka life pushed us down and we scraped our knee and we need a little help up. Elizabeth made it into her dream college, encouraging me into mine. That’s no different than asking for that toy you had been wanting.

When we were little, we believed in the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. Our parents had us believe in small thing such as those so that we could start believing so that someday, we would understand the true meaning of Easter and Christmas and believe whole heartedly in Jesus Christ just as we did the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. I believe in Jesus, just as I believed in other things. Santa always brought me toys; well, Jesus always brings me strength. When you were little, it didn’t matter what people said about the Easter Bunny. You believe in him with everything you had, let your faith be like that now. Who cares if people disagree with your belief in Jesus, you know what you believe and that’s all that matters. If you believe in Jesus like you did Santa when you were a little kid, I promise the “presents” you will receive will have much more meaning. They will be much more useful than some silly toy, so I dare everyone to find that childlike faith we all once had and live your life with this faith. The outcome will make an impact. J